Today I wrote a letter to my evil step-dad that has been a long time coming. 35 years in fact. If you think only evil step-mothers exist in fairytales, you would be wrong. My evil step-dad exists in real life. My mom married him when I was 6 years old. He adopted me so that I would have the same last name as him, but really it was to take my last name away from my biological dad and to take away my real dad’s rights. He wouldn’t let me have anything to do with my dad. My parents had divorced when I was 2. I never even met my real dad until I was 10, and my mom had to sneak me out of the house to do it. My real dad has been deceased since 2004. I barely ever got the chance to know him.
Since my mom has passed away, I decided to let my anger out on my step-dad. They were married for about 9 years, but he ruined my childhood. He treated me like the unwanted excess baggage that unfortunately came along with marrying my mom. “Oh well, I guess I HAVE to take her too”. That’s pretty much sums up how I felt my entire childhood. Like I was in the way. When I was 7 years old, he took every single one of my toys, put them in the middle of the living room, and told me to pick 2 of them to keep. He was going to throw the rest of them away because I was too spoiled. Then he took a picture of me crying trying to decide which ones to keep. Fortunately my mom came home and stopped him. What kind of monster does that to a child? For some reason, unknown to me, we moved every single year and I had to change schools. I can only assume it’s because they couldn’t afford the rent. We were dirt poor. We lived in trailer parks or apartments my entire childhood. Once the bills were paid, we were lucky to have enough money leftover for food. I was only a kid, so I didn’t know any better, but I’m pretty sure my grandparents bailed them out many times. Let me tell you, I am a million times grateful for my life now having lived the way I did back then. Life was rough as a kid. I went to 7 different schools as a kid. My step-dad was not in the military, which is what everyone asks when they hear this. He was just a jerk. He was always looking for the next best thing or he couldn’t afford the rent. At one point we lived in Fargo, North Dakota. Ya-der-heh. Fargo is a big city and when you move a couple miles away, you end up in a different school district. Well, he had no regard for this and didn’t seem to care much that I had to leave all my friends and start a new school. I had no stability whatsoever and had a hard time making friends. When I did make friends, he criticized whoever I hung out with. To this day, I don’t have many friends because I have trouble making them. I never know if they will stick around. Oh sure, I’ve got 200 friends on Facebook, but no real ones. When my mom died, over 100 people sent online condolences, but not one person came over to see me or sent me flowers.
Anyhow, I sent him a letter to unleash my 35 years of pent up feelings. I did the happy dance the day he left when I was 14. I don’t expect an answer and I don’t really care. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I also wanted to let him know how much my mom has suffered over the last several years. I thought he should know. Additionally, I told him that I found some letters he wrote to her many years ago that proved that they really did love each other. It surprised me because I really only remember the fights. His sister, my aunt, who I still keep in touch with, confirmed that they did love each other a lot. I am actually glad to know that and to know that she wasn’t totally miserable in her marriage. It gives me a little bit of peace to know this and helps me let it go. I don’t want to continue to hate him, but I’m not adding him to my Christmas card list either.
In summary, my thoughts are this… if you have a regular family whose parents have been married and never divorced and they treat you right, you are blessed beyond measure. Cherish that. This is how my husband and I intend to raise our daughter. We have been married for 21 years. Both our parents are divorced. We are changing the script and teaching her the way it is supposed to be.