This Life

I’ve come to realize that we all go along thinking our life is completely normal… until it’s not. My life was completely ordinary, and I expected a completely ordinary day 3 weeks ago, until my husband walked in the room to tell me my mom passed away. My life hasn’t been normal since. I don’t know when it will be again. I walk through my days like a zombie. Bursting into tears for no reason. Wishing it wasn’t true. Waiting for my phone to ring telling me she was just kidding and she is really still here. Every time I hear a ding with a text, I think it’s going to be her. Somehow I just can’t accept it. It was so sudden and she was so far away. I haven’t seen her in 10 months. How can this possibly be true? I don’t get it. How can someone go to the hospital with broken ribs and die of a heart attack? It doesn’t compute in my brain. I went to see a therapist today. She told me about working through the sadness and anger and those other stages. She told me to stay in the present and try not to dwell in the past. I don’t know how to do that. I keep thinking if I would have done more to help her, she would still be her. I wish someone would tell me when the feeling will go away like someone is standing on my chest and punched me in the stomach. Right now I would be satisfied with an occasional smile on my face.

2 thoughts on “This Life

  1. It’s very surreal. Does it get better? I’m only 5 months down this road and all I can say is it gets different. Sending virtual hugs your way.


  2. Does it get better? Yes and no. What you do is learn to live with it. And you have to do it your way. You will get there as you have a very supportive husband and daughter. Keep going to the therapist as she will help guide you. It sucks in plain English. Also the writing will help you.
    After 13 years the “what ifs” and “I should of done” does get less but they are still there at times.
    You will cry less and smile more. But it is always there when you lose someone you love.
    Your ordinary will now be a different ordinary. In our class we called it the new normal.
    Hang in there. It will get better.


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