Keep Trying

I keep trying to get back to normal, but I don’t think it’s working. Last night I was determined to get back to the gym today. My husband is off work this week to use up some vacation time, so he is doing all the driving back and forth to school for me. I told him he didn’t have to, but he said he wanted to give me a break. I set my alarm for 8:15 this morning so I could make it to a 10:00 water aerobics class. I turned it off and swore I would only sleep for 15 more minutes. I woke up at 9:46. Clearly, sleep was more important to me, but I had been in bed for 12 hours. A clear sign of depression. I am tired all the time. I think I could sleep for weeks on end at this point. I obviously didn’t make it to my class. I’ll try again for the 10:00 class on Thursday.

Today I had a doctor appointment. The doctor came in and asked how I was doing and I said not great. I must have had a look on my face because he said “that bad?” I have seen this doctor for years, so he knows me pretty well. I burst into tears and told him about my mom. Most of the time, I’m pretty good at just saying I’m fine even when I’m not, but not this time. Of course, he’s a really good doctor who talks to you like a normal person and he listened to me and gave me a tissue. I said I was sorry and shouldn’t have said anything. He told me it was fine and that was the place to talk about it and he listened to me for several minutes before we even talked about the reason I was there in the first place. Thank goodness for doctors who just listen and don’t rush you through your appointment.

The world is full of wonderful people who will listen, sometimes you just have to find them. I’ve got a few, not many, but there are a few. A couple friends have asked me out for lunch. Thank goodness. I’ll try not to cry on their shoulders and just act normal if I can. But at least I know they don’t expect me to be normal just yet.

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