I was bound and determined to get up and start getting back to church this morning. Somehow that extra hour of sleep didn’t kick in for me. Or anyone else in the house. My daughter was getting ready for Sunday School and my husband was getting dressed to drive her. I started having one of my sad moments and I started crying and decided I didn’t want to go. It was 4 weeks ago today that my mom died. Every Sunday morning, I keep reliving the moment my husband came in and told me she died. I repeat it in my head and I get paralyzed with sadness. Am I going to feel like this every Sunday for the rest of my life? This morning I just decided I wasn’t ready to be among people. I knew I would sit in the pews and just cry. In addition, I have joined a Compassionate Caring group at church that goes out to meet with the shut-ins and there was a meeting today. I missed the first meeting last month because it was the day my mom died. I didn’t know if I was prepared to go to the meeting and explain why I missed the first one, or frankly, if I’m ready to go meet with elderly people. My mom wasn’t by any means elderly, and she will never have the chance to be elderly. That’s not it. I just don’t know if I’m ready to go sit with people who I am supposed to be listening to and being compassionate, when right now I have a lot of problems of my own. I don’t to bring anyone down.
Anyhow, by the time we would have been halfway through the service, my daughter started feeling really sick. The poor girl has come down with an awful cold and was laying on the couch all day. Then I started feeling pretty awful too. I hope I’m not getting something. I literally just got over a cold a week ago. It’s cold, rainy, windy, and downright crummy outside, so I guess we didn’t need to go out today anyhow. We’ll try again next week.
I spent much of the day working on my holiday cards and a calendar I make every year for the grandparents. I had kind of a hard time making the calendar knowing my mom won’t see it. She always loved it. I’m super early on getting my cards done. I order them through Shutterfly and just put pictures on. I used to hand stamp them every year, but that was when I had time. They will be here before Thanksgiving and I’ll spend that night writing them out. I send 80 cards every year, but last year I received half of what I usually get in the mail. Has social media replaced holiday cards too? I actually saw someone post their card on Facebook last year! Really?! That’s totally uncool. Keep sending the cards people! It’s seriously the only time of the year you get more cards than bills. Other than when someone dies and you get a handful of sympathy cards. But that is way less merry. You’re going to have to trust me on that one.