I went to the gym today for the first time since the new year. You can certainly tell that everyone made a resolution to get fit. It was extremely overcrowded. I was walking on the track and I think every treadmill was taken. Thank goodness I hate treadmills, so they can have them. The pool was a sea of bodies bobbing up and down. They cleaned it over Christmas and it was closed for 2 weeks. I’m taking bets on how soon until there will be a band-aid floating around and any other unknown disgusting item that ends up in the pool. And try to get a shower… forget it. I also thought it was amusing when I checked in and there is a new sign on the desk with a scanner for members to check ourselves in. Really? Now the crabby ladies behind the desk literally have nothing to do except fold towels. They may as well just hire robots.
I probably over-did it a little. I had an appointment with my trainer, then I walked for a half hour, then I did an aqua cardio class for 45 minutes. As Banya said on the Seinfeld show when he gave Jerry his jacket, “yep, I’m huge”. Ha ha! Well, far from it, but it’s time to get back on track after a few months of not doing much. My workouts lately have consisted of cleaning the house. After busting my butt today, I’m taking the rest of the day off.
I attended my favorite aqua cardio class today with trainer Dalfim. He sure is a charmer with those old ladies. During “Macho Man”, he jumps up and does splits in the air. Today he did a couple push ups and he actually pushed himself off the ground about a foot and clapped his hands. WOW! I would have had a broken nose if I tried that. He really woke up the crowd and those old women were smiling and batting their eyes at him like they were in love. Ooo la la! It was hysterical!
I have a list of pool rules that I think everyone must follow, but especially if you are over the age of 70.
- No speedos – I think this definitely applies to everyone, but seriously if you are over 70 and your gut hangs several inches over the speedo, it’s a definite no.
- No make-up – Really ladies? Make-up in the pool? You’re gonna get wet and it’s going to smear down your face. Get over it and go without the make-up.
- Don’t fix your hair and expect it to stay dry – once my husband came to water aerobics with me and jumped in the pool and a lady bit his head off and said “some of us don’t want our hair to get wet”. Really? You’re in a pool!!!!
- No white swimsuits gentlemen – For the love of Pete men, you can see right through it (if you know what I mean). There is one VERY old man who comes in every day in white swim trunks. When it gets wet — ARRGGHH!
- Ladies, if you are a little heavy on the bottom (front and back), PLEASE get a full coverage swimsuit. And when it starts to stretch out, please look in the mirror and get a new one. Everyone can see everything that hangs out of it. Some things you just can’t un-see. I’m getting a little grossed out at the pool.
Now, I’m not perfect, but I don’t think I’m grossing anyone out either. At least I hope not.
Life is beginning to return to normal in bits & pieces. Yesterday I had my first personal training session since last spring. I simply never got around to it in the fall and now they are going to expire, so I have to kick it into gear. I also feel like I’m putting on a few un-needed pounds. I went to water aerobics today also and it felt good to actually be at the gym two days in a row. My body is responding and I can feel the difference.
Yesterday I also talked to my uncle, my mom’s oldest brother. I interviewed him for the book I am writing. It was interesting for me to hear some stories about her as a child and young adult, before I was born. I am already up to 50 pages, with much more to add. I still need to talk to her younger brother and hope to have time to call him tomorrow.
Today’s grand adventure was taking my daughter to the doctor for her annual physical. She was not very cooperative. The paper gown was itchy. She has excema and didn’t want to show the doctor, yada, yada, yada. She was mad as a wet hen when it was time for the shots. Tetanus and flu shots. She was really ticked! I told her she won’t have to worry about the tetanus again until she’s 20.
On the way to the appointment, she asked where she had to get the shots. I said, “in the doctor’s office”. Ha ha! I’m such a smart ass. “Disco Inferno” came on the radio, so I cranked it up and sang along as loud as I could. I thought I would try to cheer her up to take her mind off the impending shots. She told me I had a mental problem. Ahhh, kids. They don’t appreciate good music.
In my ongoing quest to find a new gym, this week I am trying another club. Today I tried a step class. I have always enjoyed step classes because I enjoy the choreographed routines that are almost like dance routines. I have clearly forgotten that is has been at least 15 year since I have taken a step class. I don’t think it was so much that it was hard, but the room where it was held was extremely hot. It was like a damn hot yoga studio! It had a wall of windows that faced the sun at 9:00 in the morning. The sun was beating in and they only had on a couple fans. Of course, I chose today to wear pants, rather than shorts. Every time I wear shorts, I feel like everyone is looking at me all weird with my legs that go up to my armpits. I’m sorry I’m tall. They look at me like I don’t have the appropriate “gym wardrobe”. Today I wore the stupid pants. Big mistake! I was roasting. My first thought as I walked into that room was “who the hell built this?” As the instructor started the class, she greeted those of us that were new and said “I may be a little bit mean today, I had a bad weekend”. Terrific. The moves weren’t difficult as I have done step classes before. I must have been going full speed ahead because 30 minutes into the class my head was pounding and my face looked like a tomato. As a chronic migraine sufferer, if I join this club and opt to do this class again, I had better tone it down a bit. I am now drinking gallons of water to combat the impending headache. Before I head to the shower, I think I will go clean up my flower beds as they are rapidly dying with the onset of the cool fall weather. (Translation: they look like crap.)
Today I went to my ultra most favorite class at the gym – Aqua Cardio. If only it started a little earlier than 11:45. I was ready to chew off my hand by 12:15. It is taught by Dalfim, one of the fitness pros. He is 35 and in awesome shape. He is one of those guys that does stuff like the Ironman and something called “The Suck”. He travels all over to do these things. He’s not bulky and huge, but he could squash you like a grape. And he’s a super nice guy. I’d love to use him as a trainer, but I think he would kill me. He plays awesome music and really gets into it. When he played “Macho Man”, he was jumping all over the place. He throws his styrofoam weights in the air, and best of all, he actually does the workout with us. Most of the instructors show us the exercise, then just stand there until it’s time to change to a different move. That’s annoying. He’s sweating right along with us.
Today when we were doing the “Twist”, I saw some of the older ladies across the pool checking out Dalfim’s butt. And when he was jumping around to “Macho Man”, they were actually giddy. Those old ladies were really checking out the menu. You know that McDonald’s commercial when the old lady is knitting the landscaper a sweater? That’s what these ladies remind me of. Oh well, they can look, they aren’t dead.
At one point, a very skinny older gentleman with a very hairy chest walked out of the men’s locker room and started dancing to the music as he walked to the hot tub. It was hysterical! I love that he did that in front of 2 pools full of women! Hilarious! About 10 minutes later, he caught my eye walking back getting down to another song. OMG! I threw my arms out of the water, clapped and cheered for him.
At the end of class, the lady I was talking to suddenly lost an earring. About 5 of us were trying to help her find it. She got her toe on it, but couldn’t get it. Of course, no one wanted to get their hair wet. We tried to get it with a net, but it was too flat. Finally, a man with some goggles came and tried to dive for it. At first he did nothing but float, so she dragged it with her toe to the shallow end, and he was able to get it. I’ve never had so much excitement in a pool class before. What a day!
It’s only 10:15 am and already this day is just meh. As I was backing out of the garage, my daughter realized her school ID was still hanging on the hook where she hangs her backpack, so I had to run in and get it. We were already 3 minutes late as it was. How many times have I asked her to keep it in her backpack. Another day to haul ass down the highway. It’s just a matter of time before I get a speeding ticket. I can’t believe I’ve actually made it through 2 years of driving this distance to school without one. Knock on wood.
Anyhow, today is boot camp day. I get to the gym 45 minutes before the class starts, so I decide to kill time and walk a few laps around the track to warm up. I’ve never done this before in all the years I’ve been a member. This would be a great place to walk in the winter. Morning must be “old guy on treadmill” time. There was at least 10 older gentlemen on treadmills. I was majorly impressed with a few of them who were full speed ahead running. One guy who was easily mid-60’s was killing it! Wow! Nope, not me. I hate treadmills. Then I saw a handful of ladies on bikes reading books or magazines. I also hate bikes. I feel like I would fall off if I were trying to read. I have motion issues. I can’t even read in a car. Trying to read on one of those stair steppers would really make me nauseous. I saw one lady doing that too, but by my next lap, she had stopped reading. So, I walked for 20 minutes, then went downstairs to stretch and psych myself up for the class.
Headed to boot camp and was immediately terrified when I saw the trainer running it. Teresa. She is one tough lady. I’ve seen her training others when I have been working out. She strikes terror in my very soul and never in a million years would I pay to train with her. It was just one other woman and myself in the class. One other woman about 15 years younger and much more fit than myself. Great. Teresa was writing the exercises we were to perform on a chalk board. She was writing and writing and writing. She had a very looooonnng list of exercises. I see battle ropes (hate them), stairs, mountain climbers, and those things where you throw a medicine ball at the wall. UGH!!! We have to do 2 exercises for 2 minutes each right in a row, then switch stations and keep going with no breather. OMG! Needless to say, after 3 rounds I am ready to throw up. Literally. I had to sit down and take a few breaths and drink some water. Boot camp was a bust for me and I threw in the towel after 20 minutes. After 3 months of going to the zoo, the pool, the beach, etc. I am not quite ready for boot camp. Wait a minute, I will never be ready for boot camp. I think I will stick with my trainer who goes at my own pace and knows what exercises I can do for my fitness level. She knows that I have bad shoulders and a bad neck. It’s not Teresa’s fault, I don’t blame her. I blame myself. I should have known better. I had no idea it would be so fast paced. Had it been a bit slower paced, I could have done most of the work. I’ll remember the exercises she taught us and do them on my own at my own pace. I give a ton of credit to the other girl. I hope she made it. At least I tried, that’s what counts.